Ep 07 – Meeting the Park Ranger

INTRO: (It’s about summertime. The Narrator’s laptop hums almost as loud as the grasshoppers in the warm evening. “Proserpina Bop” bleeds through her headphones as she pulls up some files.) 

NARRATOR:

So… a lot has happened. I messaged Alina for real this time. I just went straight to the point. I asked her what the heck these audio files that my brother sent were, and why are they so important. I also told her I got up to file number six and I really wanted to know why such an elaborate plot was created just to turn my dog into an alien.

SCENE STARTS: (“Proserpina Bop” transitions to the new scene. Alina hurries to meet up with Sam at the park.)

ALINA:

Sam! Hey, rare of you to message me. What’s up?

SAM:
I wanted to introduce you to someone who just got back.

ALINA:

Someone who just got back here? To this park? Is this another human? 

SAM:
Uh no, well, they’re not exactly human. 

ALINA:

Oh? But they came back? Where did they go?

SAM:

They were on summer vacation. Remember the park ranger I mentioned before? That’s who I’m talking about. 

ALINA:

The park ranger… who’s not exactly human.

SAM:

Yeah, I’ll explain in a bit. Oh there they are— JD!

MUSIC: (“Where am I?” plays)

ALINA:

WHAT ON EARTH IS THAT?

SAM:

Relax, I– remember, I told you? That’s the park ranger.

ALINA:

Right, well I’m going to stand right behind you and uh Cerberus here and uh I’m going to look up exactly what “park ranger’ means.

JD:

Sam, what is this? Another human here in this park?

SAM:

You come back from vacation and I can see you’re already stressed again. Calm down, JD. This isn’t like the last time. We’ve set boundaries. She won’t be coming in here unless I’m around.

ALINA:

Ha-ha… Hi. Uhh nice to (clears throat) Nice to meet you. I’m Alina. I uh just found this park recently and Sam’s been a big help getting me acquainted. 

JD:

I don’t trust her.

ALINA:

Hey!

SAM: 

Don’t mind them, they’ve had trust issues since the day they were born. Their mom was um, uh… not… nice.

ALINA:

Right, well. I am here in this park to learn what I can, so would you mind telling me about yourself, uh JD was it? 

JD:

What… how much ruder can you get? Also, you’re in New Jersey and you’ve never heard of the Jersey Devil? Where’s your sense of pride?

ALINA:

The Jersey Devil? That’s a real thing?

SAM:

Oh, I thought they would be someone you would actually know. They’re the mascot for the hockey team.

ALINA:

I mean, it makes total sense that New Jersey of all places would have a devil, but… this isn’t exactly what I was picturing–

JD:

What, is it my disproportionate head to body ratio or the fact that I’ve got bat wings even though the rest of my body parts are mammals, or is it that I’m just straight up ugly?

ALINA:

I wasn’t going to say any of that! I was thinking, you know, more along the lines of horns and a devil tail, like actual devils…

SAM:

The people in the past have some really wild imaginations. Although technically JD’s family did actually exist, it’s just not entirely sure which family line they’re from.

ALINA:

What do you mean their family actually existed?

SOUND: (A church bell rings, as we’re taken to the 1700s.)

SAM:

Well their story is from the 1700s, so it’s more of a folklore. The most common version is the one where their mother, Jane Leeds, was pregnant for the 13th time.

ALINA:

13th time??

SAM:

Yeah, not the most fun activity to do that many times. Which is exactly why she got fed up and cursed the child. She just threw her hands up in the air and yelled “this child will be the devil!” And then somehow it became true. She birthed what seemed to be a normal baby, who then turned into this… creature here, and then uh, they killed everyone. 

ALINA:

So… we’re currently talking to a murderer right now?

JD:

Give me some credit, I mutated into this just minutes before coming into this world and I panicked. 

ALINA:

So you killed your family?

JD:

My mom was the one who started it in the first place!

ALINA:

…Can someone explain to me why something like the Jersey Devil exists? N-not that I don’t think you shouldn’t exist, I just don’t understand where this all fits in with the uh, “mythology always has a moral” thing. 

SAM:

So, there’s actually a lot of theories since JD here is pretty young compared to others. Generally, it’s a boogeyman story, you know, tales to scare kids to be obedient and what not. But also the Pine Barrens area wasn’t exactly the best place to live. Robbers would wait along well known paths and steal from travelers, which echoed the way JD would terrify humans. Lastly, there was also a known disdain to the Leeds family. They were uh, very vocal about their religion in a very populated Quaker area.

ALINA:

Ah, so they were jerks. 

JD:

So my murdering was totally justified.

ALINA:

Being a jerk does not mean you get capital punishment. If everyone thought that way, it’d be chaos.

JD:

I’m a devil.

ALINA:

Sam, can we really trust this person?

SAM:

Uh, they don’t kill anyone anymore really, just stalk the highways for fun. I figured you two had to meet if you were going to keep coming here. 

JD:

And clearly I need to do that more often. Kids these days don’t even know who I am, and yet Mothman and BigFoot are “lit.”

ALINA:

I’ve heard of BigFoot, but Mothman? Sounds like a comic book hero.

SAM:

What, we’re talking about BigFoot and Mothman now?

ALINA:

Uh yeah, Sam. Did you zone out on us?

JD:

He can’t hear me.

ALINA:

Wait, what– 

SOUND: (A large light bulb is flickering on and off as something flying around tries to touch it.)

SAM:

Haha sorry, so uh Mothman is from the 60s I think. But he’s a really chill dude, can’t understand a word he says though. He and BigFoot seem to be buddies. 

ALINA:

Okayy then… What’s Mothman’s story?

SAM:

Uh not much of a story really, people in West Virginia all of a sudden started to see this giant man with glowing red eyes and wings. Some say it was radiation, others say it was a new breed of bird, but it stirred up the town for a bit. You should see the town, it’s practically covered in all kinds of Mothman paraphernalia.

JD:

That guy’s a scam and we all know it. He didn’t even kill anybody. A bunch of kids just created him so the only thing he likes to do is follow bright lights off of cars. He’s hardly mythology material. 

ALINA:

Wow… Sounds like a terrifying thing to see in a car at night.

SAM:

I think it’s cute to see the big guy chase around a little light like a cat. 

JD:

Moth, like a moth. Don’t you dare talk to me and describe the other guy as cute. Can’t believe there are people who “stan” the creature.

ALINA:

So can I see Mothman or Big Foot here then?

SAM:

Um, sometimes those guys stop by sure, but since they like to keep up with their appearances, they’re usually hanging out in the places people say they’re at. 

ALINA:

So… you’re saying if I go to West Virginia, I might actually see Mothman.

SAM:

Yes, but again, he can’t really talk, so you’re not going to get much out of him.

ALINA:

Hmm.. true, wouldn’t make much of a conversation… What about BigFoot? Where is he?

SAM:

That guy likes to travel everywhere. It’s pretty hard to pin him down… California’s probably the best bet if he’s in America. 

ALINA:

That’s a lot farther than West Virginia… And he’s an actual creature? Not a man in a gorilla suit?

JD/SAM:

He’s definitely a fake./ He’s definitely real.

MUSIC: (“Tell Me” plays)

SAM:

JD, I can see what you’re saying. Don’t be rude. You know the foot fam try their hardest to prove their real without actually giving themselves away. 

ALINA:

I’m sorry, foot fam? Please don’t use that term ever again.

SAM:

It’s what they prefer to be called!

ALINA:

And who are they?

SAM:

You know, the yeti, the sasquatch, the yowie. Practically every big country has a BigFoot, so even though they’re not really related, they consider each other family.

ALINA:

Oh, how cute.

SAM:

They’re a pretty interesting bunch. Most likely created because of the actual large animals lurking in the woods, but who knows, maybe there really were other hominids around at the time…

ALINA:

Are they friendly?

SAM:

I don’t particularly go seeking them out, they can be as temperamental as us humans. But I did help one make flower crowns once.

ALINA:

Okay, I wanna meet BigFoot. I have questions.

JD:

They smell terrible.

SAM:

What?

ALINA:

JD said they smell terrible… honestly Sam, everything okay? 

SAM:

Oh, that, sorry… Yes, that’s just unfortunately true. 

ALINA:

Well, will you take me to where the flowers are at least? I haven’t really seen much else besides the plains or the hills. 

SAM:

Yeah sure, of course, that would be a nice place to hang out actually.

JD:

Are we done here then? 

ALINA:

Oh, yes. It was very nice to meet you.

JD:

That was a terrible lie. I’m back in this park from now on. Sam here might not be able to kick you out, but I can. So don’t go starting any trouble.

ALINA:

Oh, don’t worry, I— and they’re gone. Well, what a nice… person.

SAM:

You’ll get used to them. They didn’t really want the job in the first place, but they do it well. Now then, flowers?

ALINA:

Thought you’d never ask!

OUTRO: (We return to the Narrator. “Proserpina Bop” transitions back to her room.) 

NARRATOR:

It seems like Alina and Sam are getting closer and closer. He’s actually messaging her and he’s showing her around the park now. I wonder if she’ll actually be able to get the information she wanted from Sam. He really is a mystery. Like I wonder why he wasn’t paying attention at all during the conversation. Now I also wanna know what his secret is…

SCENE ENDS: (“Proserpina Bop” ends the episode.)

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